As I sit here listening to Sullivan humming away in the bathtub I am filled with relief that he is generally a happy kid. They say Happy Mommy = Happy Kids, well the opposite is also most certainly true. Any mom can tell you that when your child is grieving--whether it be over a dead pet or because Dad ate the last cookie--it is a dark day indeed. You feel those feelings as if they are your own. And when your child is getting picked on, it's a stab to the chest with which the simple act of breathing becomes difficult.
Even though I would never begrudge any mother her right to martyrdom--heck, we've all earned that right!-- I dare to say I might get an extra thorn since I am the parent of a child with Asperger's Syndrome. I honestly don't have the spirit or will to explain what that is for those of you who may stumble upon this not knowing me or what Asperger's is--just Google it and you'll get all the information you need. (and then some!) Let's just say that although we are extremely blessed with the fact that his condition is very 'mild'--for lack of a better word--it definitely presents it's unique challenges. Now I'm not naive enough to think that Sullivan is the only kid with challenges in this world...as all of us parents know, a kid doesn't need to have a diagnosis to have issues and give us gray hairs! The thing that's tough with this Asperger's thing is that there is no cure, which means that even though Sullivan can learn to deal with a lot of his issues it will never come naturally for him to do so. Many things 'typical' kids go through they eventually outgrow. And what's particularly frustrating about it all is that I truly love so many of the quirks and behaviors that this syndrome brings to his personality and as Momma Bear, I just desperately want other people--mainly his peers--to also see that oh-so-lovable boy that is Sullivan. 
Don't they see how smart he is? How clever and hilarious? How he's the first to counter something with a poignant comeback or joke? How he genuinely cares and worries about you even if he often has a hard time of showing it? How he is the most lovable, snuggly boy who makes up songs about how much he loves you and always wants a hug? Honestly, he doesn't need to be 'cured'. But generally, that's not the way our world works. If someone is perceived as 'different' for any reason, it's the gallows for them. He doesn't want to sign up for hockey or soccer like most other kids in the neighborhood or be rough and tumble. And kids have a nasty way of picking up that difference, like a dog scenting fear--even if it's not completely obvious.
Not long ago Sullivan started to get teased on the bus. From what I could get out of it (which as you parents know is often not much!) it all started with a boy teasing him because he had chapstick on, saying it was lipstick and that Sullivan was like a girl. sigh. Sad to say, but typical teasing behavior. But what really got my hackles up was when it escalated to the point of a boy taking Sullivan's hand and pushing it back at the wrist. Now I know I can't--and shouldn't--protect my children from every tough thing that comes their way, but physical bullying? Hell to the no! Eventually Sullivan would come home without his hat, saying it was tossed around the bus and he never got it back. And even though Sullivan was always sitting in the very front seat of the bus, the driver was apparently clueless about it all.
It's hard to describe the feelings you have when your child goes through something like this. You know teasing is a part of life that most kids have to go through in one way or another--heck, I sure did. You feel so helpless and hurt for your child, and a sheer disappointment in the human race in general. You wonder how much to step in, and how much you need to let go so they can grow that protective shell that we all need to have to bumble our way through this often perilous world. I will say one thing--it upset me more than it did him. That is one of the beauties of Asperger's...it tends to go right over his head. As a Mommy however, I wonder how much of that he does feel under the surface, growing slowly like a cancer that will some day take over and it will be too late--all the hugs, kisses and model cars in the world will not make that pain go away. I have to admit for a little while there I crawled into my cave and was ready to hibernate until it was all over. Instead I called the teacher, the principal of the school and the bus company and got things in order. The kids were talked to, the bus driver reprimanded and a seating chart was made. I am Momma Bear, hear me roar.
I have to say I do feel good about what I accomplished--it's so metal to be demanding and speak up for what you need, after all--and I know that the bus has had a reputation that hopefully now will get better because of this whole mess. Maybe I made other kids' lives a little more pleasant too. But being my son is only in elementary school I know it's just the beginning of my journey through that thick and tangled forest. Thank goodness for family, friends, decaf coffee, JRR Tolkien, a G and T here and there and potty humor to get me through!!
